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|Posted on October 13, 2021 at 10:45 PM||comments (0)|
In the penultimate step of our journey to becoming Unbreakable we can look forward to the future with some new skills and habits that enable us to build on our foundation of health and wellbeing.
As I return to Step 11 for the 3rd time in 3-years I’m looking forward to leaning a new skill that is going to help me evolve what I do to help others. I’ve done a little audit of my skills and I’ve identified a gap in my knowledge and recognised that in order to grow I need to fill this gap. A skills gap analysis is common in business, not so much in personal life. Learning skills for fun or to improve our hobbies is one way to improve our well-being. Learning skills to develop ourselves personally as well as professionally is also important in our evolution as people.
If we don’t learn new skills sooner or later, we become redundant to our employers, family and sometimes our friends. Don’t get me wrong experience counts, as well as loyalty, but just as important is our ability to use our experience to help us identify where we need to put our energy and what information we may need to acquire to help us. Plus, new things to talk about, new ideas to share, new insights into the world around us.
Remember that only 2% of us will ever self-actualise; That is, to become the most that we can be! Shocking when you think about it. So how do we self-actualise: We grow, we evolve, we learn, we share, we help, we create, we do!
This simple Plan, Do, Check and Act Flow is a simple model that I have adapted, that can help us decide what we will do, and then we can hold ourselves accountable for our own personal development.
In order to regain and retain my health and well-being I’ve had to unlearn lots of unhealthy habits and beliefs and I’ve had to relearn some helpful information I’d forgotten along the way. This is common, but the simplest thing to do when you are not feeling well is to remember a time when you felt good and remind yourself of what you were doing at this time. That is a quick roadmap back to a healthier you. If you struggle with your health and well-being on an ongoing basis then it’s important to consistently focus on things that will help improve your health and wellbeing.
Since I’ve learned (and re-learned) the following information I’m much healthier;
• Mental Health is closely linked with Physical Health.
• Gut Health is fundamental for good health as it’s where we produce our hormones and neurotransmitters as well as absorbing nutrients from our food.
• Vitamins and Supplements can help support my mood, bone density, aches, pains, inflammation and regulate emotional health and enable more restful sleep.
• Sleep is fundamental for good health and chronic sleep deprivation is a fast track to illness.
• When I’m not feeling well mentally or physically, I can just focus on doing one small positive step.
• Sitting all day is not good for my health especially my lymphatic system which is my garbage disposal system and I need take the trash out throughout the day.
• Eating too many animal products, too frequently slows down my metabolism and is linked to different types of cancers as well as diabetes.
• Eating more plants in a variety of forms is much healthier for my body as well as my brain.
• My self-worth is not linked to my professional success or bank account.
I’m focused on my need and desire to self-actualise and I will do what needs to be done in order to achieve that. As I said in the intro of my book, my goal is to live until I’m 107 but not just survive, actually live a healthy, fun and fulfilling life. I feel that if I continue to grow and learn new things, I will achieve that no problems. I want to be an inspiration to my young children showing them that I follow my passions, focus on my health and I’m there for them when they need me, with new insights and new information. Then as the world changes, so will I. This is also called Growth Mindset.
I also want to learn how to be a better writer, coach, mother, friend and colleague. So, from time to time I engage in events and programs that enable me to do that.
So, what did I unlearn in my quest to improve my mind, body and spirt?
• Ruminating and Overthinking; my thoughts hold me back and can make me sick.
• Insomnia; suffering with insomnia most of my life is harming my brain as well as my body.
• The food pyramid is not going to optimise my health; I need to eat the rainbow, mostly plant foods which will optimise my health. Food is medicine!
• Putting my needs first is not a crime. I can still be a wonderful mother by prioritising my needs. I must have a self-care routine.
• Money is relative. We work hard to make money, neglecting our health in the process and then spending our money to get well.
• Fixing everything is not my responsibility. Compassionate people have boundaries too.
• Holding on to grudges is not going to fix anything. Letting go and forgiving is a path to healing and well-being.
Actually, this list of unlearned habits, behaviours and values could go on for many pages but you get the gist of it. As well as learning new habits and imbedding healthy rituals I had to let go of habits, beliefs and rituals that were not serving me and keeping me stuck on the unhealthy hamster wheel.
I’m the kind of person that likes to work hard, not let people down, show up when I say I will and don’t quit until the best possible outcome is achieved. At all cost to myself. Well, I’ve said goodbye to that girl. She was not looking after herself. She was the sucker that would go out of her way to help others and then often feel used and unappreciated. I’ve a new outlook on situations now and I’ve a new way of prioritising my life so that I can still be reliable, considerate and helpful without compromising every aspect of myself. It’s a pretty useful new skill to have to be honest and I’m kind of pissed that someone did not pull me aside earlier and say;
“Hey you, you have a strong moral compass, and you will always try and look after people, but you need to look after yourself first, and by the way, that’s not selfish, it’s fundamental to your life.”
You see I used to look at selfish, self-obsessed people and think, “I do not want to be like them!”
Those traits are contrary to my values and moral compass. BUT now, I get it. There is a middle-ground and those of us who are very sensitive to others and very compassionate people often get burned out the quickest and left to look after ourselves.
So, once I understood this about myself, and I now see it so obvious in others, I want to help those compassionate, sensitive people, with a strong moral compass not to compromise their life and health away.
Making new friends, having new experiences and gaining new perspective is also helping me self-actualise as I recognise my need to expand my comfort zone and challenge my thinking.
As I create new content for my books, wellness school, blogs, articles and so on, I can continue to put into practise my new knowledge and my new creativity. You see I’ve created new neural pathways in my brain by unlearning that useless stuff that was holding me back, and embracing new information that is valuable. I hope that others can take some lessons from this and to consider that self-actualisation is not just for the 2% but that we all deserved to become the most that we can be.
I joked with a Dr of Criminology recently that writing books is my mid-life crisis… He quipped back that if this was a crisis, he would be curious to see what I could do if I was not in crisis. That comment has stuck with me, and I’m curious too… At 46, I’ve got a lot of time left... What the heck may happen? An author I admire got her first commercial publishing deal at 47 after submitting dozens of manuscripts. I submitted 1 manuscript to 2 agents 10 years ago and got knockbacks. But I’ve gone on to publish 4 books without an agent. Writing, designing, publishing, selling and distributing my own books. Maybe I don’t need an agent, maybe I don’t need a traditional publishing contract, maybe I just need to learn all the new skills I need to back myself and go for it… To get to the top of my own pyramid and be proud of where I’ve come from.
Of course, I’ve had help, guidance and support during this time. Some was free and some I paid for but it was all of my own making. Goodluck on your journey to self-actualising. Don’t be afraid to learn that you have some gaps to fill in your life, or, your knowledge, this is very useful information. Take your time, be kind to yourself and remember, you are the most important person. When you accept that, you will prioritise your health, be around longer for others, and be able to give with more energy, more compassion and more love in your heart. I’m on your team to hit that elusive 2%.
Love and Health,
|Posted on September 21, 2021 at 10:30 PM||comments (33)|
October is the Month to be Open! In my book; Broken to Unbreakable, 12 Steps to an Unbreakable Mind, Body & Spirit, I share why being Open is important for self-discovery, meaningful connections, living with authenticity and being true to yourself.
As a continuation of that theme I wrote the following article to share with my Wellness School members about how being Open is playing out in my own life 3 years on!
Step 10 - Open
At some point in your life, you may decide that you “Don’t Care” what people think of you. For some this revelation comes early in life, for others much later. A lot of this depends on the environment in which you grew up, and the freedoms you did, or, did not enjoy. Cultures, traditions and faiths have a strong influence on our perception of the world and how we should behave in it.
It’s easy to worry about what people may say or think about you. In Step 9 we fostered positive social engagement by leaving our ego at home when we go out, and connecting with people who have shared interests, and values as our own regardless of who they are.
I’ve practised letting go of judgement and thinking about people who irritate me through their words and actions, and focus now on what I can learn from those that are different from me. It’s freeing and liberating letting go of judgement, and not feeling the need to worry about others. Focusing on what is most important, which is how I show up in the world for people, not how others show up.
When I decided to be Open, I had to practise being vulnerable. Sharing parts of myself including my thoughts, feelings and emotions with people close to me as well as people who may not know me so well. I realise that the version of me that people think they know, is not always the true, full and unedited version. Authenticity is a word that is impacting a whole cross-section of society. No longer reserved for Pop Stars and Self-help Gurus.
A little Mantra I practise now is this;
• I will live my own life and let others live theirs.
• They can do them and I will do me.
For those that have worked hard to maintain a strong persona, being Open and Authentic is not always easy because we generally want to protect ourselves from rejection, hurts, fears, judgement and we wear a mask that is largely driven by our experiences with the world. Being in control, being bullet proof or being a hard-arse, are not traits that sit comfortably alongside open, vulnerable and authentic. I get it!
What is the right amount of Openness and Vulnerability that enables us to feel connected to ourselves and others? Well, that is a question YOU need to explore because I will let you into a secret; even on your path to becoming Unbreakable you will meet dickheads, assholes and two-faced judgemental you know what’s…. And as much as you no longer care what people think of you, these people will crop up in different areas of your life and mess with your Zen-state. So, while being Open and Vulnerable are keys to unlocking compassion and wholehearted connections you may need to close the window on the those that are not at this point in their life… Yes, just close that window, door, or as the younger people say, swipe left and move on. Don’t let those Negative Nellies and Woeful Williams stand in your way of authentic, open and valuable connections in your life. They’ve not started their journey yet!
I use the word Practise, a lot because;
• You don’t just become Zen-like and stay there.
• You don’t just become Mindful and stay there.
• You don’t just Stop caring what people think of you and stay there.
• And you certainly don’t just become non-judgemental of yourself and others over-night.
It all takes practise. Practice may not make you Perfect, but it does give you Possibilities.
Since I’ve become, Open, Vulnerable and Less-Judgemental, I’ve connected on a whole new level with hundreds of people all over the world. People who are also looking to connect with open and compassionate people. These people share their stories with me, and share their pain as well as their passions. I can relate to many different people because I’ve had a whole variety of experiences in my life, both good and bad, that enable me to draw on empathy and insights. I’m grateful for all of the life experiences I’ve had in a variety of cultural settings all over the world. They have provided me with knowledge and understanding of people, and how their environment has shaped their life.
I was out walking with my 7-year-old recently and she asked me was I friends with someone who passed by because I smiled, said hello and waved at them. I told her that I did not know them, but I don’t need to be friends with people to smile and say hello. It’s ok to be friendly to people I don’t know! Stranger Danger is real, but what is also real is the need for Connectivity with people around us. I’ve been helped out of some tricky situations by Strangers. I’ve met Strangers in random places and had incredible experiences. I never want to fear people because I trust my instincts, and if I teach my kids to do the same, then hopefully, they can also find helpful Strangers when they need them, and not be afraid to connect and be open with people they meet.
Some of my best memories of travelling is having smiling, waving, open, vulnerable children approach me and to share in their friendly joy of meeting someone new. I treasure those scenes in my head.
A big part of my challenge to be Open was to admit to myself that I was not happy with who I was. I was not happy with being a Negative Nelly anymore, and I also didn’t want to be two-faced or spend time trying to fix things that were not of my making. If I want to have any chance of achieving a Zen-like state then I need to embrace Acceptance and Non-Resistance to things outside of my control and accept that the only way I can influence my inner and outer environment is to role-model to myself what good looks like, and only hold myself accountable for my thoughts, feelings and behaviours and make others accountable for theirs.
Most suffering in the world is caused by how Human’s treat Human’s. Shocking when you think about it. Outer Peace starts with Inner Peace. So, I need to be Open with myself, Peaceful within, and treat myself with Compassion, Kindness and an Open Mind. If I can do that consistently and role-model that to myself, then by default I should attract and retain people in my life who are similar.
In writing a book, I opened myself up to judgement, criticism and ridicule. BUT actually, I opened myself up to compassion, support, wholehearted connections, new friendships, opportunities to help others, a new chapter of my life and a whole lot of possibilities.
It’s not easy to be Open in all areas of your life. Some of us can be guilty of disclosing too much of our life to the wrong kind of people who then use that information against us. The important thing is that when you realise you may have done this, don’t be too hard on yourself. You are mindful of the impact of your actions and you will learn from it. Learn who is worthy of your openness and who is not. Try not to be too suspicious of people’s intentions. It may look like some people are interested in you, but it could also be they are nosy and want to use your life to validate their own.
Openness is scary and wonderful, and my best days are when I’ve had the chance to be Open with people who are also looking to be Open and I feel my cup is overflowing with a shared sense of good intentions and genuine respect.
Take your time with your practise of being Open. It will change as you become more comfortable with who you truly want to be. Windows that you closed may be opened again in the future. You may get so busy living your life with authenticity that you inspire others to do so as well. When you feel doubt, judgement or fear remind yourself; I can only role-model to myself what good looks and feels like, and after that anything is possible.
Sending you wholehearted, open support for this step on your journey.
|Posted on September 21, 2021 at 5:50 AM||comments (1)|
The creators of the new children's book; Bobby, A Horse Who Teaches A Young Girl How to Love, invite you to a wonderful morning of stories, pony rides and fundraising for Wyld Hearts Sanctuary.
Sunday 17th October 09:30 - 11:30
Join us at The Drill Hall, North Ward for 2 hours of Pony Rides, Lucky Door Prizes, Fundraising and a Reading of Krissy's new book. You will hear the story of Bobby, and have a chance to meet the Artists and see some of their inspiring work. You will also hear about the amazing work done by Yvonne and her family at Wyld Hearts Sanctuary
You can purchase a signed copy of Bobby to take home.
Ticket price includes; Free Pony Rides for Children, Lucky Door Prizes and Story Time. Proceeds and funds raised from this event cover the costs of the event plus a donation to Wyld Hearts Sanctuary.
|Posted on September 21, 2021 at 5:45 AM||comments (0)|
In this article for Kiddipedia I share my Top Tips for Holidays in Uncertain Times. Staycations are more popular than ever before and that exotic sunlounger is still a long way off! But there are things you can do to weave some holiday moments into your days.
|Posted on September 21, 2021 at 5:40 AM||comments (0)|
In this article for Kiddipedia I consider ways in which we can balance our needs, and our compromises in life as a working mum!
|Posted on September 21, 2021 at 5:30 AM||comments (0)|
In this article for Kiddipedia's 2021 Newborn Guide I share some tips on Mindfully preparing for the arrival of your newborn and some insights based on my personal experience.
|Posted on August 11, 2021 at 6:55 AM||comments (440)|
Giving birth to a new book is totally exciting, frightening and emotional.
Bobby, A Horse Who Teaches A Young Girl How To Love, is now complete and ready to order in the Bookshop - https://www.thewellnesspoet.com/book-shop
Bobby, was my horse and he came to live with us when I was 3. He passed away when I was in my 20s. He lived a long, and healthy life and was loved by our family. He was very kind, very tame and a wee bit lazy.... you really had to work hard to make him move!
We had so many adventures and mis-adventures together as a child, and most afternoons I would climb on the fence and call him repeatedly until he came to find me where-ever I was (like a faithful dog), and I would put some string around his neck, climb on his bare back and set off. On the odd occasion I did fall off, he would just patiently stop and wait for me. We did have some hairy moments together but we always trusted each other and he always knew what I was saying to him. He was a very loyal companion for a young girl in the bush without any friends her own age to play with.
This book is just a snap shot of our life together including some real scenes of the place I grew up as a child; Southwick West Station North West of Charters Towers. Debbie Belcastro photographed some of the images in this book which she has now turned into water-colour paintings. It has been a pleasure to bring this story to life with the help of Jennifer A Hyatt who is also a country girl with a big heart.
This book is a rhyming children's book, inspired by a poem I wrote in 2019 for Horsewyse Magazine. I'm looking forward to sharing this story with children all over the world.
Here's some snaps of the process to bring this book to life.
|Posted on August 3, 2021 at 12:20 AM||comments (0)|
Stepping into our life Adventure! By Krissy Regan, The Wellness Poet
I guess you could say that I’ve been quite adventurous in my life. This probably had something to do with growing up in the country-side with no kids my own age to play with and no modern games to entertain me. We had to make our own fun and while away the time. I spent days climbing trees, making cubby houses out of rocks and anything else I could find, and making up songs and poems on my home-made swing set. Often my parents wouldn’t see me all day until it was time to eat. We had to prepare all food from scratch including killing the animals. There was no dishwasher either, so many hours were spent washing and drying dishes day after day, after day, for up to 20 people in my home. I joke that I’ve worked in catering from the age of 3 when I first started helping my mum with little jobs while she took care of my new-born sister as well as her other kids and 5-15 men at any given time.
I went to boarding school when I was 11 which was good in some ways as I got to do more stuff, and be with kids my own age. And I guess leaving home at 11 prepares you for life on your own, when you become an adult. I moved out of home when I was 17 and essentially never went back other than to visit on holidays. I’ve had to fit in, make do, and look after myself for a very long time. I also had itchy feet and wanted to see the world. So, I did this too. I travelled alone a lot, and met people along the way. I took risks, made mistakes, made friends, made a success of my professional life and made many memories. So, by many people's standards I am “Adventurous”. However, to me, this is just stuff I have done in my life. I admit riding a motorbike in the mountains in Cambodia alone is a great adventure, as is sitting in coffee shops in Amsterdam reading books. It’s still just stuff I’ve done, not my soul purpose?
• What is my soul purpose in life?
• What could be the real adventure of my life?
• What is the most-scary, exhilarating, rewarding and life-affirming thing I can do in my life for myself?
• What is something I’ve always wanted to do but chickened out, gave up, or told myself I was not good enough to do?
Well to answer that last question I don’t need to travel, put my life in danger, leave my small kids alone or invest my life-savings!
The answer to that question is that; I want to be a Writer. To write stories, poems, songs, movies, books, blogs, tributes and so on…. Expressing myself with words… Wholly Crap, now that’s scary! That is a freakin’ adventure… That is something that gets my heart racing, my brain engaged and all my survival instincts turned on.
“Don’t Do it, you are not good enough!”
“Stop, no one will buy your work!”
“You will never follow through on that!”
“You won’t make any money doing that!”
“What will people say, if you start calling yourself a Writer?”
Oh Crap, this is a bad idea!
So, I could have put that thought to bed, forgot about my adventure but, I dreamed of long mornings in my PJ’s writing in my bed, sitting in coffee shops crafting my work, seeing my books in shops…
My brain was trying to keep my safe, the voices in my head were telling me to STOP, and stay in my comfort zone. I already had a successful career and made a decent living. I already had worked myself ragged in my 30s to buy a house and have my babies. So why change all that for the silly idea of being a Writer?
Because it’s my Adventure, my Soul purpose, the one thing I’ve always wanted to do since I was a child and not done… What does it matter if I fail? I’ve proven to myself that I can get a job and travel all over the world on my own.
- I don’t need to worry about failing at being a Writer.
- I just need to practice being a Writer and I will get better.
- Over time I will find my unique voice.
- What if I imagine success as a Writer and am not ashamed to share my passion with others?
- What if I work really hard and achieve my goal?
You can see how I could have talked myself out of my Adventure, but with patience and compassion I could also talk myself into it.
I realised I could still work to put food on the table and raise my family, but I could write too, and I could practice writing in many forms.
So, I did! I didn’t worry about the end goal, I just started practising for myself first. Then, when I felt brave, I shared it with others. Then something inside me started shifting… I had clarity, purpose, passion and I was driven. My comfort zone was expanding and I was not afraid to fail. I was afraid of success!
So, I practised not being afraid of success. To show up for myself, to put myself in situations where I had to talk about my work; I did radio interviews, newspaper interviews, tv interviews, live book launches, podcasts, public events. I literally threw myself to the lions and scared the pants off myself living my adventure and practising my writing…
Our adventure should push us to the edge of our comfort zone into our learning and growth zone. Here we can find purpose and meaning to our life. There are many days when you may wish to retreat to the safety of your comfort zone. You will also meet some unsupportive faces along the way to achieving your adventure. I know I did. Which is why I initially choose not to share my adventure with those closest to me. I had to test the waters with strangers. So, I told strangers I was a Writer! They did not question my ability, cast doubts on my goals or pigeon-hole me into their own biases of me. When I shared my writing with these new people I found immense support, compliments and encouragement. It gave me strength and confidence to move forward. I had to practise being good at writing the same way a golfer practices putting – daily!
In my life I’ve been fortunate, and unfortunate, to observe people who wanted to change career, pursue a passion or learn new skills and for whatever reason they did not… These people have inspired me to NOT do that. “It’s never too late to teach an old lady new tricks,” was my motto. I can learn all the skills I need to be a published writer. I can buy, outsource, make, or do whatever is needed for me to achieve my goal. There is no shame in getting help.
After the birth of my first child, I realised the days of travelling on long business trips was no longer my desire. I decided to go back to university, and get a new diploma, to enable me to have a “Safe, Stable Mum Job.” I went to the University of West London and did a Diploma in Procurement and Supply Chain Management. It was here I learnt some very valuable life lessons.
- All businesses have the choice to Buy, Outsource, Make or Do!
- Russian Roulette is a negotiation strategy which involves two bad options and you have to choose between the one that is less risky than the other but equally uncomfortable.
- The Cost-Price Iceberg Model applies to all aspects of our life. I’ve written articles about this for deciding how to say “Yes” and how to say “No” in our own life.
- I also learned that we can become very stressed trying to study, work, raise a small child and pass exams. We can talk ourselves into and out of trying, and we can talk ourselves into a situation where we become so stressed, we cannot function, we don’t even give ourselves permission to try.
I passed my Diploma and largely received good grades but man it was hard work. And after all that, did I find myself a Safe Mum Job? Absolutely not!
But all my new knowledge enabled me to negotiate with CEOs in boardrooms, and talk myself and many others into letting me train staff at Buckingham Palace… Something that was never on my list of "safe stuff" to do…. But still I was not living my adventure – I was helping others live theirs.
So, in 2019 I asked myself; “What is my Adventure?”
I did not force the answer, but I did apply the Cost-Price Iceberg Model many times in that year, and each time I said “No” to something others thought I should do, I bought myself time to figure it all out.
As I sit here now in August (the month of Adventure) in 2021, I’m a twice published author, nominated for both national and state literary awards. I have published dozens of articles, poems, blogs and will soon release my next two books. I am getting better at writing.
Recently someone I respect told me that I am a good writer. I said, “Thank you for saying that, it means a lot to me”. I have found my tone of voice, I have found an audience for my work, and I have found support in all four corners of the globe.
I love my adventure; it encapsulates all things that are important to me. 1. Helping People 2. Inspiring People. 3. Connecting with People. 4. Growing and Evolving. 5. Being a Role Model to my Children.
I’m very grateful for all the help, encouragement and support I’ve had in the past few years since I decide to say yes to my Adventure. But also, I know that through the power of intention setting, taking action, being consistent, and continued learning that the Universe is conspiring to help me achieve my goal. The Universe wants me to succeed. If I sit in my PJ’s not writing, but just waiting, the Universe has no desire to help me to succeed.
I have skills now I never knew existed. I have learnt software, systems and strategies that I was oblivious to in my professional life, but in my adventurous life they are my back office, my arsenal. The Face Makers saw that I was living my adventure regardless of their support. I had to stay strong when their facial expression made me feel doubtful, uncomfortable and unsupported. I was only doing this adventure for myself. For my own well-being, sense of achievement and future. I want to be the conductor of my own future and not stand around waiting for someone to come along and help me. It can be lonely, it can be uncomfortable but it's mine!
Your adventure may be different to mine. You may desire different things for your life. But each of us has a soul purpose, and it’s up to us to ignore it, or nurture it. In my case I couldn’t say No to real adventure any longer. I’m scared shitless every day that I may not succeed BUT what if I do… And this is the game of Russian Roulette; two risky options equally uncomfortable – you get to choose!
Goodluck with your adventure! I’m the voice in your head telling you to go for it. I’m the smiling face and the warm embrace when you feel unsupported. I’m the person that wishes great things for you!
|Posted on July 20, 2021 at 9:55 PM||comments (0)|
Hows your balance of Chaos and Joy this week?
Check out the new article I wrote for Kiddipedia and enter the competition to WIN a spot at my upcoming Retreat at Mission Beach 22-24th October, 2021 for some well needed time-out!
|Posted on July 20, 2021 at 9:50 PM||comments (0)|
In this article for Kiddipedia I share my 5 hacks to go from Surviving to Thriving and staying there.. check it out if you need a wee boost atm!
#surviver #thriver #wellbeing #mumshealth #womenshealth #mindfulmums