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|Posted on January 12, 2022 at 7:35 PM||comments (682)|
There are moments in life when you will decide enough is enough.
It may be a job, relationship, hangovers, smoking, being a doormat or not taking care of yourself.
Usually, when we have reached the end of our tether, or, our health is in crisis, we make a decision that changes our destiny. We sometimes call this an awakening, an epiphany, a wake-up call.
Whatever you want to call it, sometimes in life, that feeling of “ENOUGH” is not to be ignored.
There are times, however, when, despite the feeling, we have to; suck it up, not cut off our nose to spite our face, think about the big picture, be strategic or grin and bill it!
“Grin and Bill It,” is a favourite expression of mine I learned in the UK many years ago working with a dear friend. We had a challenging project to deliver with lots of egos and we took all the crap and sent in our invoice, knowing that this would be over soon. We called it; “Grin and Bill It!” I’m sure you’ve experienced this yourself at times.
"I’ve had a few enough is enough moments in life, and I’ve also had to suck it up many times."
Three years ago, I decided enough was enough when my health was failing and I had a wake-up call whilst dressing my eldest daughter for her first day of Kindy. I’m reminded of this moment as I dressed my youngest in her Kindy uniform this week as we practised getting ready for school. In that moment three years ago, I decided I could not carry on with life feeling as I did. If I didn’t change something, I would not be around to see them finish school. This feeling was an intense epiphany, like a freight train bearing down on me and I could stay on the track or jump off the edge.
I overhauled my health and my life in the months that followed, and I’m so glad I had that epiphany.
So, what is the trick to knowing when to suck it up, and when to call time?
Here are five things to help you understand if it really is enough, or you owe it to yourself to stick it out?
1. Rationalise the Costs.
Our decisions have costs associated with them, whether we like it, or not. Not necessarily monetary, but time, effort, and so on. Understanding the costs associated with your choices and decisions will help you be more strategic in your decision making. Your work-life, home-life and relationships are part of the cost analysis. Sometimes the financial incentive to do something doesn’t make up for the added stress, responsibility and life that you will lose. On the other hand, if you have a goal that you desire to achieve, and you are working towards something, you will make sense of your sacrifice and know that the short-term pain for long-term gain may actually be worth it.
Here’s 3 practical examples;
• I once worked 7 weeks straight without a day off in order to have the money to renovate my home. I sold the home a few years later and made a good profit.
• I once took a job that was much lower in salary and skill-set than my previous role, so that I could work within myself and progress in other areas of my life.
• I gave up my gym membership, having my nails done and my house cleaned so I could use the money to send my kids to the school we chose. I rarely miss the three things I’ve given up, seeing my kids happy and safe is reward enough.
2. Recognise the impact on your Health.
Your health is the most important thing. Don’t compromise it, negotiate it away or take it for granted. As a 46-year-old, I’ve learned a few hard lessons. Here is what I know, and have seen in others.
In our teens and 20s, our bodies are still young and fairly resilient and we lead a more active social life. In our late 20s and 30s, we progress more in our career, start having a family and probably earn more money. We then become more sedentary; we eat more, drink more and sit more. In our 40s, this becomes an issue as we develop typical middle-aged health problems, possibly even heart attacks and other serious conditions. Once we’ve reached that point, it’s harder to go back, as our bodies are not as resilient. We then spend our time and money being treated and taking medication. If you see yourself headed towards this, then you need a wake-up call sooner rather than later. Don’t let your “enough is enough moment” be in a Dr’s waiting room.
3. Compromising your Integrity.
We each have a set of values, and hopefully, a moral compass. If your work, relationships or social circle compromises your integrity, then it’s probably time to think about calling time, before enough really becomes enough. Your integrity is important for your well-being and we often ignore our integrity, living and working to the values of others at the expense of ourselves. Over time, your compromise affects you physically, as well as mentally and emotionally. You may have a bitter pill to swallow, or be constantly wearing a mask, not showing your true self. Repeatedly compromising your integrity can make you become very sick. When in doubt, refer to number 1, Rationalise the Cost.
4. Safety and Security.
Your safety and that of your family is primary and if you feel it is compromised in any way, then it’s time to call enough. Don’t wait around for one more apology or to be rescued. Ask yourself; “Is this safe?” If you have doubts, then there is no doubt.
A good reputation is important, and I don’t mean in an old fashioned, prudish way. There’s an expression which says; "You are only as good as your last job". And also, as a working parent you have an enormous sphere of influence, and it’s often overlooked as a consideration. If your reputation (being a good role-model) is important to you, then it’s going to feature high on your “enough is enough” radar. Aligning and associating yourself with causes, people or work, who do not care about your reputation (or others), is not doing you any favours in the long run. When in doubt, refer to number 3, Compromising your integrity.
Here are some other valuable things I’ve learned;
• Sometimes the hardest things end up being the most rewarding.
• Personal growth sits way outside our comfort zone.
• All beginnings are hard.
• Sometimes you need to put on your big girls’ pants and face the music or stand up for yourself.
• If you don’t advocate for yourself, no one else will.
All of this is so important, but sometimes you will feel desperate and you may not have many options or choices available and you, and you have to make it work. In these moments, just know that a lot can change very quickly and in a few months or years down the track you will look back and think, “Wow, that was so hard but I’m in a totally different place right now.”
- Sometimes you will cut off your nose to spite your face!
- Sometimes you will Suck It Up.
- And Sometimes you will pick up your purse and just go home, knowing that there is nothing more you can do.
There is nothing more empowering than picking up your purse and saying, “Let me go home and think about things!”
As you grow, learn and make mistakes, your tolerance will change, as will your experience and expectations.
Enough may not come soon enough sometimes. And in other instances, you can never have enough.
Just be considerate to yourself, practise self-awareness, consider the five points above and never feel alone.
Nearby is someone else just like you!
Love and Health,
|Posted on December 27, 2021 at 9:45 PM||comments (1298)|
Have you heard the term; “Everything in Moderation.”?
Forget it, wipe it off your subconscious. It’s a myth and it’s killing us.
We were once told that Smoking was good for us. Moderation is NOT good for us.
The word Moderation comes from; moderacioun, early 15c; “quality of being moderate or temperate; a lessening of rigor or severity.”
The state or an instance of being moderate; mildness; balance. Not excessive in amount, intensity, quality.
At school I got mostly B’s a couple of A’s and on the odd occasion some C’s and D’s. Physics, I suck at physics. I don’t understand what I can’t see… plus it was really boring, taught by people who did not make it fun or exciting.
Health is like that. If it’s boring, unexciting and taught by people who are not good at sharing ideas, then you won’t take to it. You will make the wrong choices, believe the advertising and live with the idea that moderation is ok.
When it comes to my health and well-being, I want to be an A-student, (B+ on my holidays). Moderation means average (think just passing with a C). It means just getting by, not too excessive.
So as the instances of obesity, cancer, anxiety, depression and ADHD continue to rise and we continue our idea of moderation, we perpetuate a myth that is eroding society and destroying the well-being of the mainstream population.
I believe the idea of everything in moderation is just another clever marketing campaign designed to help us think we can have whatever we want most of the time, and we will be OK.
So, what is the opposite of Moderation? Well, according to a dictionary, it’s Extremism…
But the connotations of that word are linked with some terrible acts, so I want to propose the word Optimal instead.
Search: Optimal versus Moderate and see what you find!
The definition of Optimal is; best or most favourable; “seeking the optimal solution.”
If we have a mindset of Optimising our health versus having Moderate health, many of our worries and diseases could be managed far more cheaply and effectively.
So, what does Optimal Health look like? How do we Optimise our Health?
We start with the idea that we make predominately good decisions.
- We look at ways to reduce toxicity; in our diet, relationships and environment (home, work, neighbourhood).
- We consider our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health when making choices.
- We understand the physiological effects of stress on our body.
- We may indulge, yes, but those days are far less than the days we don’t.
- We consider the foods that we eat not in terms of the five food groups, but in terms of eating the rainbow with a variety of fresh foods with no labels.
- We consider the full impact of what we eat and drink in terms of our physical health (weight), gut health (microbiome) and mental health (food & drinks which wreak havoc on our neurotransmitters and ability to sleep well).
- We bend, stretch and move daily as we understand that our sedentary life-style is killing us. “Use it or lose it.”
- We recognise that we are role-models, and as we lean on convenience, make poor choices, sit too much, eat too much, drink too much and work too much, we are saying to our kids that it’s OK!
- We educate ourselves on the various aspects of health and well-being so that we can proactively optimise our health rather than reactively treat our health. “If you don’t make time for Wellness, you have to make time for Illness!”
It’s not about positive body image versus poor body image, Fat versus Fit. It’s about understanding that we are responsible for our health and well-being and we can feel good on the inside and out, if we have an optimal and holistic approach to our health. And that is the message we should be sharing with the next generation.
The fundamental thing is that it’s so basic it’s almost boring!
So, the trick is to make it exciting, fun an adventure, and learn from a variety of stimulating and fun people. And listen to your Gut… It’s your second brain, and it’s sending you all kinds of messages all the time.
Take some time to digest what I’ve said. I really want people to start optimising their health.
All the information you need to do this is out there, free to consume and abundantly fresh.
You can join my Online Wellness School to educate yourself and hear from a variety of experts on health and well-being.
Love and Health,
|Posted on December 22, 2021 at 1:10 AM||comments (843)|
Peace, Love and Joy – three little words synonymous with Christmas. But what do they mean to you?
We talk about Peace in the context of war and world peace. True peace starts with peace from within. Peace to be your authentic self. Peace from the unhelpful thoughts and incessant monologue running through your head and the peace that comes with being in-tune with ourselves physically and spiritually. As I’ve cultivated peace within, my world is much more peaceful.
Love starts with loving ourselves first and then sharing that love with others. A mother’s love is intense, overwhelming and anxiety inducing. As I’ve practised loving myself, I feel a greater love for the world around me. I love having this deeper connection to other living things. I recognise that I’m part of an interconnected universe that is built on a frequency of love. If we fail to practise and cultivate love to ourselves, then this state of connectedness is tenuous and we get trapped in a negative cycle of fear.
Joy is a word I had a little connection with until a few years ago. But now, it’s all I hear. My appreciation of this word and my use of it has grown as I’ve practiced noticing, acknowledging and cultivating joy. When we seek joy, look for joy, notice joy, share joy, we create a ripple of joy that spreads to others. I think that joy shared is not joy halved. Joy shared multiples, and is contagious like a virus.
And what is the best part of these three little words? They are FREE!!!
The past two years have been so tough for people; physically, emotionally, financially, and mentally. If you didn’t achieve success by flipping and pivoting or survive home-schooling and remote working, you are probably limping into Christmas thinking let’s just get this over and done with… I get it!
So how can we go into the festive season with more peace, more love and more joy despite what kind of year you have had?
1. Understand that whatever happened you did your best? “When you know better, you do better.”
2. Appreciate all your efforts this year. Stop what you are doing right now and say to yourself; “I am so grateful to myself for all that I have done for my family this year!”
3. Write down five things that bought you Joy this year. Then share them with your family.
4. For the next 30 days; sit in a quiet place, place your hands on your heart and say to yourself: “May I be Safe, May I be Loved, May I be Healthy, May I live with Ease.”
5. When you notice an incessant dialogue running in your head say to yourself; “Is this helpful for me right now?” Then I invite you to find a piece of nature (tree, plant or animal) and appreciate it’s beauty. Just stop, breathe and appreciate that piece of nature. You can do this as many times a day as you need, to free yourself from constant thinking. You will feel more connected to yourself and the world around you as you stop thinking, and start noticing.
These five little rituals have changed my life… I’m peaceful, I’m loved and I feel joyful every day, regardless of my commitments and challenges. You may relate to this poem I wrote called Peace.
Writing poetry helps me make sense of my world. Since I wrote my first poem almost three years ago, I’ve written more than 50 poems focused on well-being. The first poem I wrote was called; What the Heck is Joy.
Curiosity has led me to ask the important questions through poetry. I have found the answers and insights I needed to overcome trauma, grief, poor health, low self-worth, over-thinking and feeling disconnected. You will find most of my poems on my website:
Take time this festive season to cultivate your own Peace, Love and Joy. Do not wait for it to be bestowed upon you. It’s a free gift you can give to yourself over and over.
Thank you for reading my articles this year. It brings me immense joy to write them and I hope that in some way I’ve helped you this year.
Love and Health,
|Posted on December 2, 2021 at 9:40 PM||comments (233)|
What have I learned in 2021? By me, Krissy Regan, The Wellness Poet.
Like many people, I’m my own harshest critic and I also constantly evaluate my performance!! So as the school year comes to a close, I thought I would share my warts and all musings and learnings of 2021, in the hope that they may ring true for you too… I’m certain I want to improve on my personal report card next Christmas!
Let’s start with some aged old wisdom!
- You can’t always get what you want!
- Rejection is God’s protection!!
- Dream bigger than you can imagine!
- The sky’s the limit!
So much helpful wisdom; so conflicting, so contrasting, so much pressure, so confusing!!
I flip between optimistic, pessimistic, realism and surrealism… Does this mean I have multiple personality disorder?
My husband may say YES! I say NO!
I sit firmly and pleasantly on a continuum of these, sliding back and forth as I see fit. What about you?
Energy ebbs and flows, much like passion, motivation and self-belief. BTW Santa Claus just walked past me as I write this…. No wonder life is so confusing for children, teenagers and adults!!
This past year has been an incredible learning experience for me. The list of stuff I’ve been learning about is very long and very varied.
Here’s a snapshot;
- I’m learning how to navigate being a school mum.
- Coaching 7-year-old’s to play touch football involves tears, tantrums and triumphs.
- Writing books and blogs that people want to read takes practise, consistency and bravery.
- Appreciating Esports and online gaming puts you in touch with the younger generation.
- Never hobbies I’ve pursued but mindful that the world is changing.
- Mastering online tools and platforms that make it easier to create, sell and distribute content all over the world is empowering.
- So many online things. I do like doing stuff face to face too.
- Being vulnerable enough to share my passion, but careful enough not to intimidate or scare people off can lead to self-sabotage.
- Apparently, I can be intimidating!!
- Sometimes we borrow ideas and refine them.
- Sometimes others borrow your ideas and refine them.
- A happy home is not happy or healthy without a lot of time spent outside in fresh air and nature.
- Being late is my issue…
- I hate being late, hate it when people are late and can’t stand it when people keep me waiting… it’s my issue and I’m learning to practise patience and boundaries.
- Friendship is a two-way street!
- It’s better to be in your own company than with people who don’t feel the same about you, as you do about them. Doormats are cheap and easy to replace.
I could go on for pages and pages… but in this year of learning, reflection and acceptance I’ve overcome some pretty big worries in my life and when I write about them, I solidify those lessons and develop a greater level of awareness and understanding.
I was once told I had poor self-awareness! Well, that sucks! But, now that my self-awareness is greater, I can see how that played out in my life and I’m mindful of it.
You can’t borrow, buy or hire validation. You must find it within, and then practise it daily.
I AM worthy!
Relationships are challenging on many levels, and personality traits can be very difficult to understand. Add Ego to that, and man, people cause each other so much grief and suffering.
It becomes much easier to recognise suffering when you are mindful of your own suffering.
Most suffering is self-inflicted…. YES we do it to ourselves because we can’t process, rationalise and learn from our experiences… We internalise, blame and hold on to all that which caused us to suffer. This is a waste of a good teachable moment, or to use really bad English, you lose the learnable moments if you live in this space.
Learnable Moments! I’m learning to love my learnable moments. When I see a learnable moment unfold in front of me, rather than happen to me; I think, WOW, now there is a really learnable moment that I should note, so next time I’m about to make that same mistake I can call on this moment.
I hope you’ve had some Learnable Moments this year. And that you can rationalise all that unfolded for you (good and bad) and process those experiences in a healthy way.
Apparently, God does not give us more than we can handle. So, if you feel like the hits just keep on coming. Just know that you are being sent as many learnable moments as you can handle.
My best-friend and I did an audit of our ups and downs over the past 2 decades, and acknowledged how many times we have been very down and very out. In contrast now, we are both apparently successful, have agency, and are living a life we both like. I do wonder what would have happened if we had not have had our setbacks and major blows. I’m sure they will come again – life and energy ebbs and flows.
So, from one self-confessed, impatient woman on a mission to self-actualise, I want to tell you it’s OK….
Ok to learn, fail, reinvent, reflect, rest and power on. I’m not waiting for others to catch up, I’m not hanging around waiting for validation. I’ve got places to be, things to do and stuff to learn!
Much love and learning to you in 2022!
|Posted on December 2, 2021 at 9:35 PM||comments (162)|
In this article for Kiddipedia I share some tips on how to make healthy decisions in uncertain times, including how to balance the needs of your stakeholders (your family)!
|Posted on October 30, 2021 at 11:20 PM||comments (187)|
From 22-24th October, 27 lovely ladies from around North Queensland gathered together to Rest, Recharge and Reconnect. It's a pleasure to host these events and to promote the great work of others. My goal for each event is that women go home prioritising their health and well-being, feeling loved and valued for who they are, and all that they do in their life.
Dates for 2022 Retreats in Airlie Beach and Mission Beach have now been set and further details will be shared soon. For questions or to reserve your place, drop me an email at; [email protected]
For now enjoy the highlights video of this most recent retreat.
|Posted on October 30, 2021 at 11:15 PM||comments (166)|
Our day-to-day life is generally not managed with as much rigour and structure as we apply to a business or our paid employment. But there are some aspects of business that can provide some really important foundations for making decisions in our life, and I enjoy discovering these little nuggets of wisdom.
For starters we often don’t schedule our personal life as much as we do our business life. Leaving things, a bit looser and taking things as they come.
Second, we often don’t consider all the costs associated with life and the decisions we make in it.
We don’t necessarily look at ways to streamline, innovate and evolve in our personal life as much as we would in business.
We certainly don’t apply Cater’s 10 C’s, or the 5 Rights of Procurement to our everyday living.
We don’t consider that our health is our biggest asset, and in order to thrive in business and in life, it’s imperative to have good health; mental, physical as well as spiritual.
I’ve always been a fairly curious but practical person. I like to understand things from a very basic level and then I apply knowledge and understanding in many different ways. I think this skill has been one of my biggest assets in life so far......
To read the full article click on the link below:
|Posted on October 13, 2021 at 10:45 PM||comments (201)|
In the penultimate step of our journey to becoming Unbreakable we can look forward to the future with some new skills and habits that enable us to build on our foundation of health and wellbeing.
As I return to Step 11 for the 3rd time in 3-years I’m looking forward to leaning a new skill that is going to help me evolve what I do to help others. I’ve done a little audit of my skills and I’ve identified a gap in my knowledge and recognised that in order to grow I need to fill this gap. A skills gap analysis is common in business, not so much in personal life. Learning skills for fun or to improve our hobbies is one way to improve our well-being. Learning skills to develop ourselves personally as well as professionally is also important in our evolution as people.
If we don’t learn new skills sooner or later, we become redundant to our employers, family and sometimes our friends. Don’t get me wrong experience counts, as well as loyalty, but just as important is our ability to use our experience to help us identify where we need to put our energy and what information we may need to acquire to help us. Plus, new things to talk about, new ideas to share, new insights into the world around us.
Remember that only 2% of us will ever self-actualise; That is, to become the most that we can be! Shocking when you think about it. So how do we self-actualise: We grow, we evolve, we learn, we share, we help, we create, we do!
This simple Plan, Do, Check and Act Flow is a simple model that I have adapted, that can help us decide what we will do, and then we can hold ourselves accountable for our own personal development.
In order to regain and retain my health and well-being I’ve had to unlearn lots of unhealthy habits and beliefs and I’ve had to relearn some helpful information I’d forgotten along the way. This is common, but the simplest thing to do when you are not feeling well is to remember a time when you felt good and remind yourself of what you were doing at this time. That is a quick roadmap back to a healthier you. If you struggle with your health and well-being on an ongoing basis then it’s important to consistently focus on things that will help improve your health and wellbeing.
Since I’ve learned (and re-learned) the following information I’m much healthier;
• Mental Health is closely linked with Physical Health.
• Gut Health is fundamental for good health as it’s where we produce our hormones and neurotransmitters as well as absorbing nutrients from our food.
• Vitamins and Supplements can help support my mood, bone density, aches, pains, inflammation and regulate emotional health and enable more restful sleep.
• Sleep is fundamental for good health and chronic sleep deprivation is a fast track to illness.
• When I’m not feeling well mentally or physically, I can just focus on doing one small positive step.
• Sitting all day is not good for my health especially my lymphatic system which is my garbage disposal system and I need take the trash out throughout the day.
• Eating too many animal products, too frequently slows down my metabolism and is linked to different types of cancers as well as diabetes.
• Eating more plants in a variety of forms is much healthier for my body as well as my brain.
• My self-worth is not linked to my professional success or bank account.
I’m focused on my need and desire to self-actualise and I will do what needs to be done in order to achieve that. As I said in the intro of my book, my goal is to live until I’m 107 but not just survive, actually live a healthy, fun and fulfilling life. I feel that if I continue to grow and learn new things, I will achieve that no problems. I want to be an inspiration to my young children showing them that I follow my passions, focus on my health and I’m there for them when they need me, with new insights and new information. Then as the world changes, so will I. This is also called Growth Mindset.
I also want to learn how to be a better writer, coach, mother, friend and colleague. So, from time to time I engage in events and programs that enable me to do that.
So, what did I unlearn in my quest to improve my mind, body and spirt?
• Ruminating and Overthinking; my thoughts hold me back and can make me sick.
• Insomnia; suffering with insomnia most of my life is harming my brain as well as my body.
• The food pyramid is not going to optimise my health; I need to eat the rainbow, mostly plant foods which will optimise my health. Food is medicine!
• Putting my needs first is not a crime. I can still be a wonderful mother by prioritising my needs. I must have a self-care routine.
• Money is relative. We work hard to make money, neglecting our health in the process and then spending our money to get well.
• Fixing everything is not my responsibility. Compassionate people have boundaries too.
• Holding on to grudges is not going to fix anything. Letting go and forgiving is a path to healing and well-being.
Actually, this list of unlearned habits, behaviours and values could go on for many pages but you get the gist of it. As well as learning new habits and imbedding healthy rituals I had to let go of habits, beliefs and rituals that were not serving me and keeping me stuck on the unhealthy hamster wheel.
I’m the kind of person that likes to work hard, not let people down, show up when I say I will and don’t quit until the best possible outcome is achieved. At all cost to myself. Well, I’ve said goodbye to that girl. She was not looking after herself. She was the sucker that would go out of her way to help others and then often feel used and unappreciated. I’ve a new outlook on situations now and I’ve a new way of prioritising my life so that I can still be reliable, considerate and helpful without compromising every aspect of myself. It’s a pretty useful new skill to have to be honest and I’m kind of pissed that someone did not pull me aside earlier and say;
“Hey you, you have a strong moral compass, and you will always try and look after people, but you need to look after yourself first, and by the way, that’s not selfish, it’s fundamental to your life.”
You see I used to look at selfish, self-obsessed people and think, “I do not want to be like them!”
Those traits are contrary to my values and moral compass. BUT now, I get it. There is a middle-ground and those of us who are very sensitive to others and very compassionate people often get burned out the quickest and left to look after ourselves.
So, once I understood this about myself, and I now see it so obvious in others, I want to help those compassionate, sensitive people, with a strong moral compass not to compromise their life and health away.
Making new friends, having new experiences and gaining new perspective is also helping me self-actualise as I recognise my need to expand my comfort zone and challenge my thinking.
As I create new content for my books, wellness school, blogs, articles and so on, I can continue to put into practise my new knowledge and my new creativity. You see I’ve created new neural pathways in my brain by unlearning that useless stuff that was holding me back, and embracing new information that is valuable. I hope that others can take some lessons from this and to consider that self-actualisation is not just for the 2% but that we all deserved to become the most that we can be.
I joked with a Dr of Criminology recently that writing books is my mid-life crisis… He quipped back that if this was a crisis, he would be curious to see what I could do if I was not in crisis. That comment has stuck with me, and I’m curious too… At 46, I’ve got a lot of time left... What the heck may happen? An author I admire got her first commercial publishing deal at 47 after submitting dozens of manuscripts. I submitted 1 manuscript to 2 agents 10 years ago and got knockbacks. But I’ve gone on to publish 4 books without an agent. Writing, designing, publishing, selling and distributing my own books. Maybe I don’t need an agent, maybe I don’t need a traditional publishing contract, maybe I just need to learn all the new skills I need to back myself and go for it… To get to the top of my own pyramid and be proud of where I’ve come from.
Of course, I’ve had help, guidance and support during this time. Some was free and some I paid for but it was all of my own making. Goodluck on your journey to self-actualising. Don’t be afraid to learn that you have some gaps to fill in your life, or, your knowledge, this is very useful information. Take your time, be kind to yourself and remember, you are the most important person. When you accept that, you will prioritise your health, be around longer for others, and be able to give with more energy, more compassion and more love in your heart. I’m on your team to hit that elusive 2%.
Love and Health,
|Posted on September 21, 2021 at 10:30 PM||comments (726)|
October is the Month to be Open! In my book; Broken to Unbreakable, 12 Steps to an Unbreakable Mind, Body & Spirit, I share why being Open is important for self-discovery, meaningful connections, living with authenticity and being true to yourself.
As a continuation of that theme I wrote the following article to share with my Wellness School members about how being Open is playing out in my own life 3 years on!
Step 10 - Open
At some point in your life, you may decide that you “Don’t Care” what people think of you. For some this revelation comes early in life, for others much later. A lot of this depends on the environment in which you grew up, and the freedoms you did, or, did not enjoy. Cultures, traditions and faiths have a strong influence on our perception of the world and how we should behave in it.
It’s easy to worry about what people may say or think about you. In Step 9 we fostered positive social engagement by leaving our ego at home when we go out, and connecting with people who have shared interests, and values as our own regardless of who they are.
I’ve practised letting go of judgement and thinking about people who irritate me through their words and actions, and focus now on what I can learn from those that are different from me. It’s freeing and liberating letting go of judgement, and not feeling the need to worry about others. Focusing on what is most important, which is how I show up in the world for people, not how others show up.
When I decided to be Open, I had to practise being vulnerable. Sharing parts of myself including my thoughts, feelings and emotions with people close to me as well as people who may not know me so well. I realise that the version of me that people think they know, is not always the true, full and unedited version. Authenticity is a word that is impacting a whole cross-section of society. No longer reserved for Pop Stars and Self-help Gurus.
A little Mantra I practise now is this;
• I will live my own life and let others live theirs.
• They can do them and I will do me.
For those that have worked hard to maintain a strong persona, being Open and Authentic is not always easy because we generally want to protect ourselves from rejection, hurts, fears, judgement and we wear a mask that is largely driven by our experiences with the world. Being in control, being bullet proof or being a hard-arse, are not traits that sit comfortably alongside open, vulnerable and authentic. I get it!
What is the right amount of Openness and Vulnerability that enables us to feel connected to ourselves and others? Well, that is a question YOU need to explore because I will let you into a secret; even on your path to becoming Unbreakable you will meet dickheads, assholes and two-faced judgemental you know what’s…. And as much as you no longer care what people think of you, these people will crop up in different areas of your life and mess with your Zen-state. So, while being Open and Vulnerable are keys to unlocking compassion and wholehearted connections you may need to close the window on the those that are not at this point in their life… Yes, just close that window, door, or as the younger people say, swipe left and move on. Don’t let those Negative Nellies and Woeful Williams stand in your way of authentic, open and valuable connections in your life. They’ve not started their journey yet!
I use the word Practise, a lot because;
• You don’t just become Zen-like and stay there.
• You don’t just become Mindful and stay there.
• You don’t just Stop caring what people think of you and stay there.
• And you certainly don’t just become non-judgemental of yourself and others over-night.
It all takes practise. Practice may not make you Perfect, but it does give you Possibilities.
Since I’ve become, Open, Vulnerable and Less-Judgemental, I’ve connected on a whole new level with hundreds of people all over the world. People who are also looking to connect with open and compassionate people. These people share their stories with me, and share their pain as well as their passions. I can relate to many different people because I’ve had a whole variety of experiences in my life, both good and bad, that enable me to draw on empathy and insights. I’m grateful for all of the life experiences I’ve had in a variety of cultural settings all over the world. They have provided me with knowledge and understanding of people, and how their environment has shaped their life.
I was out walking with my 7-year-old recently and she asked me was I friends with someone who passed by because I smiled, said hello and waved at them. I told her that I did not know them, but I don’t need to be friends with people to smile and say hello. It’s ok to be friendly to people I don’t know! Stranger Danger is real, but what is also real is the need for Connectivity with people around us. I’ve been helped out of some tricky situations by Strangers. I’ve met Strangers in random places and had incredible experiences. I never want to fear people because I trust my instincts, and if I teach my kids to do the same, then hopefully, they can also find helpful Strangers when they need them, and not be afraid to connect and be open with people they meet.
Some of my best memories of travelling is having smiling, waving, open, vulnerable children approach me and to share in their friendly joy of meeting someone new. I treasure those scenes in my head.
A big part of my challenge to be Open was to admit to myself that I was not happy with who I was. I was not happy with being a Negative Nelly anymore, and I also didn’t want to be two-faced or spend time trying to fix things that were not of my making. If I want to have any chance of achieving a Zen-like state then I need to embrace Acceptance and Non-Resistance to things outside of my control and accept that the only way I can influence my inner and outer environment is to role-model to myself what good looks like, and only hold myself accountable for my thoughts, feelings and behaviours and make others accountable for theirs.
Most suffering in the world is caused by how Human’s treat Human’s. Shocking when you think about it. Outer Peace starts with Inner Peace. So, I need to be Open with myself, Peaceful within, and treat myself with Compassion, Kindness and an Open Mind. If I can do that consistently and role-model that to myself, then by default I should attract and retain people in my life who are similar.
In writing a book, I opened myself up to judgement, criticism and ridicule. BUT actually, I opened myself up to compassion, support, wholehearted connections, new friendships, opportunities to help others, a new chapter of my life and a whole lot of possibilities.
It’s not easy to be Open in all areas of your life. Some of us can be guilty of disclosing too much of our life to the wrong kind of people who then use that information against us. The important thing is that when you realise you may have done this, don’t be too hard on yourself. You are mindful of the impact of your actions and you will learn from it. Learn who is worthy of your openness and who is not. Try not to be too suspicious of people’s intentions. It may look like some people are interested in you, but it could also be they are nosy and want to use your life to validate their own.
Openness is scary and wonderful, and my best days are when I’ve had the chance to be Open with people who are also looking to be Open and I feel my cup is overflowing with a shared sense of good intentions and genuine respect.
Take your time with your practise of being Open. It will change as you become more comfortable with who you truly want to be. Windows that you closed may be opened again in the future. You may get so busy living your life with authenticity that you inspire others to do so as well. When you feel doubt, judgement or fear remind yourself; I can only role-model to myself what good looks and feels like, and after that anything is possible.
Sending you wholehearted, open support for this step on your journey.
|Posted on September 21, 2021 at 5:50 AM||comments (283)|
The creators of the new children's book; Bobby, A Horse Who Teaches A Young Girl How to Love, invite you to a wonderful morning of stories, pony rides and fundraising for Wyld Hearts Sanctuary.
Sunday 17th October 09:30 - 11:30
Join us at The Drill Hall, North Ward for 2 hours of Pony Rides, Lucky Door Prizes, Fundraising and a Reading of Krissy's new book. You will hear the story of Bobby, and have a chance to meet the Artists and see some of their inspiring work. You will also hear about the amazing work done by Yvonne and her family at Wyld Hearts Sanctuary
You can purchase a signed copy of Bobby to take home.
Ticket price includes; Free Pony Rides for Children, Lucky Door Prizes and Story Time. Proceeds and funds raised from this event cover the costs of the event plus a donation to Wyld Hearts Sanctuary.